Do your children drive you crazy at bedtime? Does it feel like forever before they settle down and go to sleep?

About Routines

• Families function at their best when there are predictable routines in their day to day lives. For example, if bedtime routine always consists of bath time, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, stories, then bed, - children will learn that “this is what happens in our family” and will be less likely to resist.
• Routines also help children to feel safe and to understand the behavior expected. Babies and young children are learning new things everyday. It is comforting for them to have times in their day when they know what is going to happen.
• Routines also make life easier for you  - if everyone knows what to do there will be less nagging and reminding and hopefully less complaining and pushing of boundaries.

Setting up a bed time routine?

Here are some tips for establishing a bed time routine that works for your family.

• Look at what you would include in a bedtime routine and make sure you are getting started early enough. Bedtime needs to be calm and not rushed.
• Ask yourself: What time does your child actually fall asleep? How long does it take them to get to sleep after they go to bed? The answer to these questions will help you to decide roughly what time you need to get started. For example the routine for a 4 year old child that takes 15-20 minutes to fall asleep around 7.30 pm could look like this:
  
  

  5.30 pm Dinner 
  6.00 pm  Bath/pajamas 
  6.30 pm  Stories/toilet/brush teeth 
  7.00 pm  Bed and songs or prayer 
  7.10 pm   Kiss and goodnight
  7.30 pm   Hopefully asleep

• Take a few minutes to write down what a bed time routine might look like for your family. All families are different. It may take a bit of experimenting to find the routine that best suits your situation
• If your child is old enough you could make a chart of what will happen
• Use a night light or lamp if your child is frightened of being in the dark
• Try to avoid exciting games before bedtime

If your child keeps calling you back because they are hungry/thirsty/itchy/lonely etc let them know you love them, but that this is the last time you will come to the room, say goodnight, and then leave. Remember, you are the boss. If you want to establish a routine then you need to stick to it. Especially in the first few weeks. Children and even babies are very good at sensing if you are serious about bedtime or if a bit of nagging or whining will bend the rules. Here are some examples of routines that have worked for the families below:

Parent Tips

Helena & Joe: parents of Jasmine aged 6
We have a basic routine we started when Alice was a baby and we try to stick to it, although now she is six she seems to be able to handle a few changes now and then. After dinner she has a bath and puts on pajamas, her father or I read two chapters of a book usually on the sofa (this is the hardest bit to stick to as she always wants us to read more!) –then it is teeth, toilet and bed. When she is in bed we put the night light on and sing a couple of songs then kiss her goodnight. We have a little thing we say each night as we close the door “Goodnight, I love you… see you in the morning”.

Jane and Mikel: parents of 4 children aged six, four, two and 10 months
As we now have four little ones and I have mostly been locked away feeding the baby at sleep time, we have set up a roster of activities for each night of the week so that it is easier for us to put the three other children to bed in a calm manner. For example, Wednesday night we draw and the children all have a drawing activity which they do with one parent.  While they are happily involved we take the youngest to bed with a story, then a little while later the next oldest, and then our eldest last.  As we put them into bed,  if they are under four, we sing them a special song, and then when they reach four they get a special verse and then when they reach six they get an additional verse.  They have to wait for these age landmarks and they know that it is a very special time when their turn comes. If they are extra fussy or boisterous, then we light a special angel candle which they take to bed as we sing.

Jen and Rich - parents of 2 girls aged 7 and 5
We have been working on the bed time routine deal for.. oh... about 7.75 years.  Every time we think we've got it all worked out, our daughter enters the next stage without telling us and we are left holding the pieces trying to figure out what is happening.  When our daughter(s) was younger, we would play the same CD every single night at bedtime to help queue up the idea that its time for peace and quiet now.  That wonderful CD is called "On a Starry Night" and I still play it for my girls sometimes for old time's sake!

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