Does your young child have temper tantrums? Does it feel like they last forever? Well take heart, you are not alone.


Tantrum behavior can start as young as around your child's first birthday. When tantrums first appear, many parents question what they have done wrong! In fact temper tantrums are a good sign - they show your child is on target developmentally. Children this age need to be able to assert their independence. Sometimes this gets expressed in temper tantrum behavior. Not only is it frightening and frustrating to you, but it is also a little scary for your toddler. Stay calm and offer them a hug when it is over.

What is a tantrum?

Many children show their frustrated feelings by screaming and kicking. Young children become frustrated because they lack the words to say what they are feeling, and therefore, they express their feelings in action e.g. temper tantrums. Tantrums often occur because a child is too tired, over-stimulated, or too stressed. The result is an unplanned outburst of emotion.

What are tantrum triggers for your child?

If your child has a lot of tantrums, it is wise to record a "tantrum diary." Write down what may be triggering the behavioral outbursts that way you can begin to come up with strategies for dealing with them appropriately.
Was your child:

• Tired
• Hungry
• Frustrated or unable to do something
• Being refused something or feeling a sense of loss
• Being rushed
• Trying to be independent
• Over-stimulated
• Disappointed
• Feeling misunderstood
• Eating certain foods e.g. food triggers
• Reacting to parent-stress strategies to stop tantrums happening in the first place

Hopefully, you’ve worked out the triggers that are causing the tantrums, and you and your partner have sat down and discussed some ways of doing things differently. Here are some tips to consider:

• Tired, hungry children are more likely to have behavior issues. Where possible, ensure your child is well fed (for this age group it is a good idea to take snacks and a drinks with you when you go out), and well rested
• Look for early warning signs, then distract or control the situation by offering choices
• Set the stage for success by making activities simple and obtainable
• Know your child’s limits. Challenge them, but try not to set them up for failure
• Give them plenty of praise
• Catch them being good

If you consistently have behavior problems in supermarkets or other places – try to avoid going there with your child.  Or if you must, make the visits short. Make them a helper, or distract them with food, a toy or a story while shopping.

Strategies for dealing with tantrums

You've done your best, but the tantrum still occurs - try some of the following strategies:

• Stay calm (or pretend to!)
• Ignore the behavior if you can – sometimes tantrums stop if there is no audience
• As a parent set clear limits - think about setting up routines and sticking to them. For example -if you want to buy your child a treat every time you go to the store, that's fine, however if you don't, then it is probably best to never buy a treat. Preschoolers find it hard to understand that what is ok one week is not ok for the next.
• Whenever possible, help your child express her feelings in words. "You really wanted mommy to buy that toy didn't you?."
• Remove them immediately if they are hurting themselves, others or property
• Distract them - children of this age can be easily distracted
• Hold them close; and talk calmly and quietly in their ear. Calmly assure them: they are safe, you are in charge and you will not continue what you were doing unless the behavior stops. It may take time for your child to be consoled and back in control, so be patient but do NOT give in to the behavior.
• Tantrums in public can be embarrassing, but if you say NO, then mean it. It is very important to be consistent with your approach. If a child learns that a certain behavior works then they are likely to try that strategy again.

Tantrums are common in 1 – 4 year old children. They decline as children develop more effective ways of dealing with feelings and communicating their needs. Be consistent with your approach in dealing with temper tantrums, and try and have other family members adopt the same methods. Often we feel embarrassed when a child has a tantrum in public, and we are afraid of what people might think. It is important that we don't give in - if we do - then we teach a child that they can get away with things in front of other people. You can reduce tantrums and help your child (and you) to deal with stressful situations by using some simple strategies and sensible planning. Good luck!

Parent Tips

Josie and Phillip: parents of one son aged 4
"Our son usually saves his best dramatic performances for when we are shopping in public. We never take him out when he is tired or hungry and we try and limit the outings to short visits. It helps if we calmly tell him what is happening before we go and what behavior we expect, occasionally we offer a reward if it’s a special event."

Petra and John: parents of two daughters aged 6 and 1
"Our eldest child used to scream and kick when she had a temper tantrum. I would simply scoop her up in my arms, hold her close and leave the room/area. After she had calmed down I would give her a hug even though I was usually seething with anger. I’d explain that I was unhappy with her behavior and that she needed to use her words if she was having unhappy or confusing feelings. Her tantrums were at their worst when she was three and by the time she started school, she was rarely having them."

By Tracey Richardson

You may also be interested in...

• Aggressive behavior (ages 2-4)
• Has your child been biting, hitting or kicking at home or daycare? Here are some tips to help your child through this phase.
• more

• Angry Feelings - helping your child cope (ages 2-4)
• Is your child flying off the handle a little too often. Angry feelings can be scary to the young child and for the parent.
• more

• Milestones - preschooler 2 years old
• Here is a guide to what your preschooler is learning to do at two.
• more

• Milestones - 3 years old
• A guide to your developing 3-year old.
• more